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How to Introduce Sex Toys Into Your Relationship: A Couple's Guide
There comes a point in many relationships when curiosity starts getting the better of you. Maybe you’ve seen a sex toy that looks interesting. Perhaps a friend mentioned something they’ve tried, or you’ve stumbled across a product online that made you stop scrolling for a moment. Maybe you’ve been wondering what it would be like to introduce something new into your bedroom.
Then comes the awkward part: How do you bring it up with your partner?
For some couples, talking about sex toys is as natural as deciding what to have for dinner. For others, it can feel like opening a conversation they aren’t quite sure how to navigate. There’s sometimes embarrassment, uncertainty, and even the fear that suggesting a sex toy might be interpreted as criticism of an already perfectly good sex life.
Let’s get one thing out of the way right now: Wanting to introduce sex toys into your relationship doesn’t mean something is missing.
It doesn’t mean your partner isn’t satisfying you. It doesn’t mean you’re bored with each other. And it certainly doesn’t mean that a little mechanical assistance is about to replace the person you married.
Quite the opposite, actually.
For us, sex toys have become another way to explore pleasure, share experiences, laugh together, and discover things about one another that we might never have considered otherwise. They’ve been part of our bedroom for years, and we’ve learned that the best experiences often begin with a simple conversation.
If you’ve been curious about introducing sex toys into your relationship, here’s our advice on getting started, choosing toys together, and making the whole experience something you can both look forward to.
1. Start With a Conversation, Not a Shopping Cart
Before you start browsing the latest vibrators, automatic strokers, or couples’ toys, talk to your partner.
It doesn’t need to be a formal discussion, and you certainly don’t need to schedule a board meeting to discuss the potential benefits of a rechargeable clitoral vibrator. Although, depending on your relationship, a PowerPoint presentation might be entertaining.
Keep it casual.
You might mention that you’ve seen an interesting toy online, ask whether they’ve ever considered trying something new, or bring up something you’ve read about couples exploring sex toys together.
The important thing is to make it an invitation rather than a suggestion that your partner needs to improve their performance.
There’s a big difference between saying, “I’d love to try something new with you,” and suggesting that your sex life needs fixing.
One opens a door. The other can make someone defensive before you’ve even started.
And remember, conversations about sexual exploration work best when both people have the freedom to express curiosity, hesitation, excitement, or even a little uncertainty.
You aren’t trying to convince your partner to do something. You’re finding out whether there’s something you might enjoy exploring together.
2. Don’t Buy a Sex Toy for Your Partner Without Discussing It First
This is something we feel strongly about.
We do not recommend choosing a sex toy for your partner without first discussing it with them.
We understand the temptation. You’re browsing online, find something that looks exciting, imagine how much fun you might have together, and decide to surprise your spouse with it.
Your intentions might be wonderful, but the surprise doesn’t always land the way you expect.
Your partner might wonder whether you think something is missing from your sex life. They might feel uncomfortable with the particular toy, its intended use, or the idea of introducing it into your bedroom. They might simply not be interested.
And that’s okay.
A sex toy is a personal purchase, particularly when it’s intended for shared use. Different people have different interests, comfort levels, and boundaries. What looks exciting to one person might not appeal to the other at all.
Instead, make choosing a toy part of the experience.
Browse together. Talk about what interests you. Share a few laughs over some of the more unusual products you’ll inevitably encounter. Discuss what you’d like to try and what you’d rather leave on the virtual shelf.
The goal isn’t simply to find a product. It’s to find something that genuinely excites both of you.
There is nothing wrong with surprising your partner with a gift once you’ve established that you’re both interested in that kind of experience. But the decision to introduce a new sexual activity should be mutual.
3. Make Shopping Together Part of the Fun
Here’s something we touched on in our previous article about bringing excitement back into your sex life: Sometimes, the anticipation is every bit as enjoyable as the experience itself.
And that brings us to one of our favorite parts of introducing new sex toys.
Shopping together.
Seriously, don’t underestimate how much fun two people can have sitting on the couch, browsing a sex toy website, and discovering what’s available.
One of you finds something interesting. The other wants to know how it works. You start comparing products, discussing features, and imagining how you might use them together.
Before long, what started as a casual shopping trip has turned into a surprisingly sexy conversation.
You might find yourselves discussing sensations you’ve never experienced, toys you’ve always been curious about, or ways to incorporate something new into your favorite activities.
And sometimes, simply imagining what you’ll do when that package finally arrives can be enough to get you both a little worked up.
As Tom Petty famously sang, the waiting is the hardest part.
But sometimes, that’s half the fun.
The anticipation, the playful teasing, and the occasional question about whether the delivery has arrived yet can all become part of your shared sexual experience.
Rather than treating a new sex toy as something you simply purchase and introduce into the bedroom, you’re creating an adventure that begins with two people exploring their curiosity together.
And there’s another benefit: You’re learning what interests your partner without putting either person on the spot.
That’s a pretty good way to build intimacy.
4. Start With Something Simple and Beginner-Friendly
Once you’ve decided that you’re both interested, the next question is obvious: What should you buy?
Our advice is to start with something that fits your shared interests rather than immediately jumping into the most complicated or expensive products you can find.
There are hundreds of different types of sex toys, and you don’t need to become experts overnight.
Here are a few categories worth exploring.
Vibrators for Women
A small external vibrator can be an excellent starting point for couples who want to introduce something new without making things overly complicated.
Bullet vibrators are particularly approachable. They’re compact, easy to handle, and designed primarily for external stimulation. They’re also relatively affordable, making them a sensible first purchase.
For couples interested in exploring different sensations, wand vibrators offer another option. Their larger heads and powerful vibrations can make them particularly enjoyable during partnered play.
And don’t overlook air-pulse pleasure toys. Products from brands like Womanizer use pressure-wave technology to provide a different kind of clitoral stimulation.
The important thing is to discuss what appeals to your partner rather than assuming every vibrator will be equally enjoyable.
Male Masturbators and Automatic Strokers
Sex toys aren’t just for women.
Male masturbators have come a long way from the basic sleeves many people might remember. Today, there are realistic strokers, textured sleeves, vibrating devices, and automatic toys that provide different sensations and experiences.
For men who enjoy masturbation, these products can introduce something new into solo play while also creating opportunities for couples to explore together.
One product category worth investigating is automatic strokers.
The Handy 2, for example, offers automated stimulation with interchangeable sleeves. Depending on the sleeve you choose, you can explore different sensations rather than being limited to a single experience.
For couples who enjoy technology, the device can also connect with compatible content and offer remote partner control.
And yes, sometimes letting your partner take control of the buttons can be part of the fun.
Couples’ Toys
If your goal is to find something designed specifically for shared pleasure, couples’ vibrators are another excellent place to start.
Products such as the We-Vibe Sync and Chorus are designed to be worn during partnered activities, offering stimulation to both partners.
There are also wearable vibrators, remote-controlled toys, and app-connected devices that can introduce entirely different ways to play together.
Don’t feel that you need to find the perfect toy immediately. Think about what you both enjoy already and look for something that complements those experiences.
5. Don’t Let the Price Tag Decide How Much Fun You Have
One of the biggest misconceptions about sex toys is that the best experiences require expensive equipment.
They don’t.
There are excellent beginner-friendly products available at relatively modest prices, and some of the most enjoyable additions to our bedroom haven’t been the most expensive things we’ve purchased.
That said, quality matters.
Look for body-safe materials, rechargeable batteries where appropriate, straightforward cleaning instructions, and reputable manufacturers. For products intended for internal use, pay particular attention to body-safe materials and appropriate safety features.
We also recommend considering the cost of ownership. A rechargeable toy might cost a little more initially, but it can be a better long-term purchase than repeatedly buying batteries.
And don’t forget lubricant. A good lube can make a significant difference to comfort and enjoyment, particularly when experimenting with new toys.
The point is to find something that fits your budget and your interests. Pleasure shouldn’t cost an arm and a leg.
6. Take Advantage of Sales, But Shop Together
This is a particularly good time to start exploring.
November brings Black Friday and early holiday promotions, and several of our affiliate partners are already offering discounts on products that could make excellent additions to a couple’s toy collection.
Rather than buying something simply because it’s marked down, use these promotions as an opportunity to explore products you’ve both been curious about.
Here are a few places we’d recommend browsing together.
Kiiroo: Explore Male Pleasure and Interactive Toys
We’ve been using Kiiroo products in our bedroom for around ten years, and the brand has become a familiar part of our shared experiences. Kiiroo offers everything from realistic FeelStar strokers to interactive devices, vibrators, and toys designed for couples.
If you’re interested in exploring male pleasure, the FeelStars are particularly worth investigating. Their realistic designs and variety of textures offer a way to introduce male masturbators into your shared experiences.
Kiiroo’s current Black Friday promotions also make this a good opportunity to compare products and see what’s available at a discount.
SHOP KIIROO’S BLACK FRIDAY SALE
The Handy: A Different Approach to Male Pleasure
We’ve had plenty of experience with automatic male strokers, and The Handy 2 is an interesting option for couples who want to explore interactive pleasure.
Its interchangeable sleeves allow you to experiment with different sensations, while the device’s connected features introduce opportunities for partner control and synchronized content.
It’s also worth remembering that an automatic stroker doesn’t have to be a solo toy. Sharing control and incorporating it into partnered play can make it an entirely different experience.
The current Handy 2 promotion is especially interesting: Buy a Handy 2 and receive two additional sleeves of your choice, with the offer running November 1–10, while supplies last. There’s also 30% off accessories with code EARLY30.
Womanizer: Discovering a Different Kind of Pleasure
If you’re looking to introduce your partner to a new kind of clitoral stimulation, Womanizer is a brand worth exploring.
Womanizer helped popularize Pleasure Air technology, which uses gentle pulses of air pressure around the clitoris rather than relying solely on traditional vibrating stimulation. For women who enjoy clitoral stimulation, it can offer a very different sensation and a welcome addition to partnered play.
The Womanizer Premium 2 is one of the brand’s standout options, offering adjustable Pleasure Air stimulation and features designed to make the experience more personalized. The Womanizer Duo, that stunning toy above, takes things a step further by combining Pleasure Air clitoral stimulation with internal G-spot stimulation, a toy that has made me explode with joy use after use.
And here’s where things get particularly interesting for couples: Womanizer isn’t just about buying a toy for your partner to use on her own. It’s about discovering new ways to enjoy pleasure together. You can incorporate a clitoral stimulator into foreplay, use it during partnered sex, or simply let your partner take the lead while you enjoy seeing what makes her feel good. It’s also one of our favorites to incorporate into mutual masturbation sessions. I can use it comfortably without fear of his body bumping into me or his in and out knocking any of my Womanizer toys out of place.
If you’ve been considering introducing a clitoral stimulator into your relationship, this is a good opportunity to browse the collection together and see what catches both your attention.
EXPLORE WOMANIZER’S BLACK FRIDAY SALE
Lovehoney: A Little Bit of Everything
Sometimes you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for until you start browsing.
That’s where a retailer like Lovehoney can be particularly useful. Its selection covers beginner-friendly vibrators, couples’ toys, male masturbators, massage products, and plenty of accessories.
Lovehoney’s Black Friday sale is also live, with discounts on a wide range of products.
For couples just starting out, being able to compare different types of toys in one place can make the shopping experience considerably easier.
SHOP LOVEHONEY’S BLACK FRIDAY SALE
Promotions and prices can change, and some offers have limited availability. Check the retailer’s current terms and final checkout price before purchasing.
7. Don’t Put Pressure on the First Experience
You’ve talked about it, shopped together, picked something out, and finally received the package.
Now what?
Our biggest recommendation is to relax.
Don’t treat the first experience with a new sex toy as some kind of performance review. You’re experimenting, and the point is to discover what you enjoy.
Read the instructions, charge the device if necessary, clean it according to the manufacturer’s recommendations, and have the appropriate lube available.
Start slowly.
Give yourselves permission to laugh if something feels awkward. If a particular sensation isn’t enjoyable, try something different. If you need to stop, stop.
And don’t assume that because you purchased a particular toy, you have to use it every time you have sex.
Sometimes it will become a favorite. Sometimes you’ll discover that it’s not quite what you expected. Both outcomes are perfectly fine.
The best part of exploring together is that you’re learning something new about each other. That doesn’t have to happen perfectly on the first attempt.
8. Keep Talking About What You Enjoy
One of the most valuable things sex toys can bring into a relationship isn’t necessarily a new sensation.
It’s communication.
When you’re exploring something new, you’re naturally encouraged to talk about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you’d like to try next.
You might discover that your partner enjoys a particular sensation more than you realized. Perhaps you’ll find that something you thought would be exciting isn’t quite your thing.
These conversations are valuable.
And they shouldn’t stop once you’ve found a favorite toy.
Desires change. Interests evolve. What you enjoy today might be different from what you enjoy a few years from now.
Keep asking questions. Keep sharing ideas. Keep making room for curiosity.
And remember that nobody should feel obligated to participate in something simply because their partner enjoys it.
Mutual enthusiasm is the foundation of a good shared experience.
9. Remember Why You’re Doing This in the First Place
We sometimes hear people talk about sex toys as though they’re a solution to a problem.
A relationship is struggling, the sex has become boring, or one partner isn’t getting what they want. Therefore, they need to buy a toy.
That certainly can be part of the conversation for some couples, but we think it misses a much bigger point.
You don’t need to have a problem to try something new.
You don’t need to be unhappy with your sex life to want more variety. You don’t need to be missing something to enjoy discovering something different.
For us, sex toys have never been about replacing intimacy. They’ve been another way to experience it.
They’ve given us opportunities to explore, experiment, laugh, learn, and share experiences that might otherwise never have happened.
And perhaps that’s the most important thing to remember when introducing sex toys into your relationship.
You’re not adding a competitor to your bedroom.
You’re adding another possibility.
Final Thoughts: Make Exploring Together Part of Your Relationship
Introducing sex toys into your relationship doesn’t have to be intimidating, awkward, or complicated. Start with a conversation. Be honest about your curiosity. Listen to your partner. Choose something together, and don’t be afraid to start small.
And please, don’t underestimate the fun of simply browsing together. We’ve had so many laughs, so many oohs and ahhs, that have led to us getting turned on just by browsing and flicking our fingers up and down a page.
That first conversation, the laughter while comparing products, the anticipation of a delivery, and the excitement of trying something new can all become part of the experience.
If there’s one thing we’ve learned over the years, it’s that keeping a sex life exciting doesn’t necessarily mean constantly chasing bigger or better experiences.
Sometimes it means staying curious about the person beside you.
Sometimes it means trying something neither of you has experienced before.
And sometimes it means sitting on the couch, finding a ridiculous-looking vibrator online, and wondering whether you should actually add it to your cart.
You might be surprised where that conversation takes you.
Keep talking. Keep laughing. Keep exploring. And most importantly, keep having fun together.